it will.

answers.please.

human strength.

I can never resist.

Doesn't matter how much it hurts,
Doesn't matter that my friends tell me not to,
Doesn't matter that it always ends in increasing amounts of pain,

It doesn't matter because when I'm talking to you, it feels good, like there is a tiny bit of hope that this isn't as bad as it feels, that when everything is good again we'll be good again.

And then the conversation ends and the pain is worse than it was before,
But I can never resist.

maybe.

One day I'll be ok.

but that day isn't today,
or tomorrow
or the next.

or anytime in the near future.

But I want you to know, that one day I will be ok.

untrustworthy.

I promise to never believe you again.

my own hell.

Do you know what its like to be trapped here?
trapped in a place where they only tell you what you cant do.
forced to obey your own peers rules.
bossed about by people who you have no respect for.
stuck in a place where everyone hates you, and you them.
controlled by people who know nothing.
begrudgingly made to be happy.
Do you not even comprehend what this is like for me?

all thats left is to miss.

We will never be us again, never touch or kiss, never be the others cause for smiling, never feel the same way, never be the reason to have to run to that bus, never tell each other our secrets, share anything, promise anything, never laugh together, or smile together, never fight again, and make up again, never be reason for the others excitement, never have to look after the other, never sit opposite each other on a train, never introduce to friends, never stay up late talking, never see stupid movies together, never have fun together, never hold hands, never fall asleep in the others arms, never make the personal jokes, never support the other, never barrack for the other, never make trips across the city just to see each other, never drink coffee at 11 at night, never pull the piss, never lay in each others arms watching fireworks, never say goodbye again, never apologize again. We will never be us again.

power;

can love turn into hate?
and if so how fast?
I can feel it inside me, this building feeling,
Like all I felt for you turning into something else entirely.

But maybe its just the process.
Maybe this is moving on.
I've never had to recover from something like this,
So how do I know what I feel?

pieces.

I fell in love with you,
and for that I am sorry.
I didn't realize that's what would end us.

Just because you didn't love me the way I wanted you to,
doesn't mean you didn't care.

I realize now that you did, and I was just to blinded to see,
blinded by my own love for you.

six months.

free.

Let's just,

give up.

Forever,

Never try.

You'll stay whole that way.

you should know.

The glint wont be there tomorrow. the smile will be fake. the eyes will look like glass because there holding back tears. no tears will fall though. I want to show you that I'm happy for you. that this isn't killing me inside. that I haven't cried myself to sleep. that my five year long dream was obliterated and I don't care. Your my friend. and I love you. I am happy for you. but I deserved it just as much. I'm putting on my human face. with no running makeup. with nothing out of place. with nothing for people to stare at. tomorrow your my friend. and I love you. I am happy for you. but the glint is gone. the smile is fake. the eyes are full of tears. I do care.

this is killing me inside.

weak interior.

tough exterior.

tomorrow.

the beautiful end.

relapse.

its only a heart,

unknowingly broken with no idea how to be fixed.

ghost

Sometimes I miss you.
the old you,
the one with a heart,
who thought about what they said,
who cared about other people,
who had common decency.

I don't know if i should let this person go, or if I should wait around with this new person, who is only a ghost of who I know you really are, for your return.
In all honesty I am tired,
How long must one put up with this,
Before they realize that they are only haunted by your former self.

butterflies.

change.

I forgive to much,
and forget to little.

selfish acts.

I never thought I would become one of those pathetic girls who sat around and waited for the phone to ring, yet here I am staring at it. In a vain hope that you will actually chose to talk to me after everything I just put you through. I'm a pathetic girl who's love seems to have gotten the better of her, because here I am waiting...

spanish steel.

I know that the only thing i can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, hoping none of these secrets on my shoulders will make me lose my balance.

because our truths cut like Spanish steel.

for real this time

again.

Please?

A heart that feels so devoid of anything,
I wonder how I will ever feel whole again.

both.

irony.

"I'm gonna change, I'll do better, Things are gonna get better, I promise."

How many times must I be continuously tricked into believing this. How many times must you fuck over someone and I forgive you although my better judgment tells me not to. How many times must you screw me over but I let it go. How many times must we make fun of the stupid situation but I never learn. How many times must I forgive you? How many times until I learn?


So much for change.