I can feel the end.
Lets hang on, I know were stronger than this.
please.
Lets hang on, I know were stronger than this.
please.
28.9.10
27.9.10
innocent.
“when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. you just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” (billy – age 4)
“love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” (terri – age 4)
“love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is ok.” (danny – age 7)
“love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” (noelle – age 7)
“love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” (terri – age 4)
“love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is ok.” (danny – age 7)
“love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” (noelle – age 7)
the start after the end.
A year ago,
I couldn't look myself in the mirror
I couldn't smile
I couldn't talk
I couldn't laugh
I couldn't breathe
I couldn't be happy
I felt like this.
A year on
I still have these thoughts,
only occasionally.
I smile, talk, laugh,
BREATHE
And with ease.
But I can't be truly happy.
Not until those thoughts disappear-
But right now its nice to sometimes feel like this.
a year ago, I tried to kill myself. almost goodbye.
I'm kind of really fucked up,
on the inside.
It's all dark and scary in there.
only one person saw the inside,
and she ran for the hills.
only one person knows the truth,
and she ignores it.
only one person knows the stories,
and she doesn't care.
Now I need to tell him.
But it's all screwed up and twisted in there.
what if he see's the inside, and runs.
what if he finds out the truth, and ignores it.
what if I told him the stories, and he doesn't care.
What then?
I'll be left broken, again.
I don't think I'm gonna have the energy to pull it back together, again.
What if he see's the inside.
What if he see's the real me.
on the inside.
It's all dark and scary in there.
only one person saw the inside,
and she ran for the hills.
only one person knows the truth,
and she ignores it.
only one person knows the stories,
and she doesn't care.
Now I need to tell him.
But it's all screwed up and twisted in there.
what if he see's the inside, and runs.
what if he finds out the truth, and ignores it.
what if I told him the stories, and he doesn't care.
What then?
I'll be left broken, again.
I don't think I'm gonna have the energy to pull it back together, again.
What if he see's the inside.
What if he see's the real me.
26.9.10
left for dead.
There is so much I'm not telling anyone,
so many stupid things
that are eating away at me.
It's like a nagging, pulling, pushing, ripping,
drowning feeling.
All at the same time, like if people don't find out soon then it'll kill me.
They need to know,
but I still want them to think of me as their little girl.
even though I'm not.
She needs to know,
because she still means a lot to me, even though I hate her.
and at the same time I don't.
They need to know,
Even though I'm acting as if I don't care, I don't think I'll forgive them.
but I have to, their all I've got.
He needs to know,
the past, what happened that made me the way I am now.
and that I love him.
It's all bottled up, and it's going to explode its going to fizz and bubble and grow and push it's way to the surface until it all come out in a horrible way.
But I cant tell them,
These secrets have left me drained to the point
where I don't have the energy to release them.
so many stupid things
that are eating away at me.
It's like a nagging, pulling, pushing, ripping,
drowning feeling.
All at the same time, like if people don't find out soon then it'll kill me.
They need to know,
but I still want them to think of me as their little girl.
even though I'm not.
She needs to know,
because she still means a lot to me, even though I hate her.
and at the same time I don't.
They need to know,
Even though I'm acting as if I don't care, I don't think I'll forgive them.
but I have to, their all I've got.
He needs to know,
the past, what happened that made me the way I am now.
and that I love him.
It's all bottled up, and it's going to explode its going to fizz and bubble and grow and push it's way to the surface until it all come out in a horrible way.
But I cant tell them,
These secrets have left me drained to the point
where I don't have the energy to release them.
25.9.10
24.9.10
15.9.10
Do you?
"Love gives you wings. It makes you fly. I don't even call it love. I call it Geronimo. When you're in love, you'll jump right from the top of the Empire State and you won't care, screaming "Geronimo" the whole way down. I love her so bad, I just... whoa, she wrecks me. I'd die for her"
Feel this way for me?
Feel this way for me?
together.
It's times like these,
that when everything else is changing
and being turned upside down
Your my constant.
I love you,
and right now that's all I need,
it's all that matters.
that when everything else is changing
and being turned upside down
Your my constant.
I love you,
and right now that's all I need,
it's all that matters.
"Well, I know what I would do"
It's not that easy,
there are so many reasons for me to do it
but so many more for me not to.
Life is all over the place and sometimes you just want order-
and yet everybody is asking you to go a million miles an hour.
So good for you knowing that you know what you'd do if you were in my situation.
But I don't, I need some time to decide,
and it's time your refusing to give me.
there are so many reasons for me to do it
but so many more for me not to.
Life is all over the place and sometimes you just want order-
and yet everybody is asking you to go a million miles an hour.
So good for you knowing that you know what you'd do if you were in my situation.
But I don't, I need some time to decide,
and it's time your refusing to give me.
14.9.10
the dilemma
Making decisions is to hard.
Do I do what you want?
Do I do what the parents want?
Do I do what they want?
Do I do what everyone else is doing?
Do I do what no one else is doing?
Do I do what's best for now?
Do I do what's best for later?
Do I do what I want?
or
Do I make the right one?
Do I do what you want?
Do I do what the parents want?
Do I do what they want?
Do I do what everyone else is doing?
Do I do what no one else is doing?
Do I do what's best for now?
Do I do what's best for later?
Do I do what I want?or
Do I make the right one?
head overcoming the heart
How come it seems that every time things seem to be going great and good I cant get my head and heart to agree. Is it really that hard for them to come up with the same answers?
I know that if I let me head win it's not fair to both of us.
I know that if I let me heart win it's not fair on you,
and my head tells me that I have to be fair on you.
Life's unfair.
Life's a bitch.
I know that if I let me head win it's not fair to both of us.
I know that if I let me heart win it's not fair on you,
and my head tells me that I have to be fair on you.
Life's unfair.
Life's a bitch.
"If your head tells you one thing, and your heart tells you another, before you do anything, you should first decide whether you have a better head or a better heart."
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